闲人

I look at a tree and see its majesty.
I look at flowers and see beauty.
I never think, their lives are wasted, sitting in one spot till they die.

Yet why do I judge people by what they do instead of who they are? Why do I judge myself so?
Where do we get the idea that just because we are capable of more, we should do more?

Enough of this stupidity.

Recently I saw a clip where a number of people were asked "If you could wish for anything, what would you want to happen by the end of the day"?

No especially striking answers came, just stuff about material wealth, about love, about friendships. Some more admirable than others. But the last guy came up and said "I just want to be happy. I want everyone to be happy". And I was blown away, for although it wasn't something original, it was awesome in its simplicity.

This young man, wise for his years, had seen through it all. We want stuff because we expect the stuff to help us be happy. And yet, at the bottom of it all, we just want to be happy. Sometimes we lose sight of that. We start wanting to earn money because we expect it to make us happy, but somewhere along the way we forget that and start earning money for the sake of earning money, and always unsatisfied because it's never enough. We try to advance our career because we hope it will make us happy, but the stress causes us to be more miserable than if we didn't have a career to speak of.

And at the bottom of it, the desire to seek happiness and avoid suffering creates more suffering. Although I have said "we" many times, I can and should only speak for myself. And as I work, toiling away for qualifications that I might not need, in order to get a job I might not like, for money that might not make me happy, I tend to forget the present, I tend to forget how to be happy.

Thus I repent. Yet repentance does not bring back days lost and happiness wasted.

网上和好久没有聊的朋友聊。突然觉得，诶，好像没有一个预设的“网上”交流的剧本，就不知道怎么交流。难道我和人的相处都只是照预先设好的剧本运行的吗？

说剧本也并不像剧本那么明确。Schema吧。Schema说明起来也有点麻烦。简单说就是比如遇到“喜欢的人”就会有一系列的熟悉的言行举止，不是针对当时的情况而是针对他是“喜欢的人”而下意识作出来的举动。遇到“讨厌的人”又有另一套。一方面，那是“自己”，因为是自己一生的经历体验中制造的剧本，一方面却是习惯性多过真实性的交流。

可是说到真实性，就自己来讲，不知道什么时候开始觉得把自己完全显示出来是一件可怕的事。一方面，也意识到真的了解到真实的自己也未必是一件愉快的事。然而也不希望和自己脱节，也不希望和别人的交流沦落成剧本性。

要好好地思考这件事。

人的成长除了保持有利于成长的环境，让成长自然发生，还有每天的锻炼。

然后，还有自己可以选择要不要攀越的高墙。得做又不想做的事。不用做，可是做了会很有益的事。不满足于单纯的应付，而追求更进一步的事。