闲人

荒街 心血 不眠夜
聋哑的钟敲打着不假思索的停歇
而黄昏的告别
总是让人让梦让世界悄悄的幻灭

Nothing seems constant anymore. Perhaps nothing has ever been constant. Is the dissociation of the person I am now from the person I once was a recognition of the truth, or is it a deliberate attempt by the mind to shield me from the anxiety of the past. Some people say students of psychology tend to go mad. Maybe they were just poking fun. Maybe it's true. Maybe all the studying about defence mechanisms weaken their effect. After all they are just mind games we play with ourselves, which serve no purpose once their purpose is betrayed. Maybe we need these mind games to retain our sanity. Maybe there is no sanity. What if the vast majority of the world are insane, while the precious few normal people (in a global scale of course) are locked away and prevented from unleashing the truth upon unsuspecting normals? It sure seems that way.

I have been kissed by the devil and left with a scar of big brown lips.

Why am I thinking about all this crap when I should be thinking bout the exams?

It's like, if you think heaven is so good, and you love your child so much, you should kill him/her/it when he/she/it is still a baby so he/she/it goes to heaven straightaway since he/she/it is so pure. Do people not love their children or do they really not believe in heaven anyway?

Sex is a little like a PS2. It would be nice to have, and I'd probably spend a whole lot of time on it and enjoy myself a whole damn lot at the same time if I had access to it. But life is still pretty sweet without it. At this point of time.

I fucking hate political correctness. Black people are black. Fat people are fat. Short people are midgets. Giving them a hypocritically nice sounding name doesn't change the facts. Especially in my textbooks. We're all (supposedly) well educated people reading textbooks written by (supposedly) even more well educated people, and they go on comparing 'white' people with 'African American' people. Dudes, any kid can tell you, white goes with black white goes with black white goes with black. Caucasian Americans go with African Americans. Fuck yeah.

暗夜就像整个大地的拥抱，略带寒冷的拥抱。有些地方的夜让人感到危机四伏，有些就和白天没什么差别，一样的喧哗，一样的亮，一样的让人烦躁。这里的夜只有宁静的安全感。还有，还看得见的星星，还让人觉得亮的月亮。

不属于自己的悲伤... 不属于自己，又怎么会悲伤。只是学会为了实际用途，为了可以去做须要做的事，而暂时让感情脱离。只是早晚还是得面对吧。

又快到一个学期的完结了。认识谁不认识谁，感觉上好像认识又不知道认识多少？谁又认识我？还有不再认识谁。

朋友在一起，常常很容易回到当时的心境，态度，相处方法。好像对着父母会下意识地不说脏话那样。有时候就说你变了怎样啦什么的，然后也不当一回事。朋友就是朋友嘛。怎么变了，就是一份情在那边。

那么爱呢？如果你已经不认识你当初爱的人了，那又如何？朋友的变化可以撇开，其实爱应该更加可以放下一切的变化吧？如果不是那样，那么爱就是为了自己舒服的一种兴奋剂而已吧。

以为爱是一种绝对，却发觉是一种自己内心的作品。如果可以任意创造，那么爱可以以任何形态存在吧？没有人能说这是爱，这样不是，如果爱的话就怎样怎样。重要的是在自己心里，什么才叫做爱。

在几乎都不认识了以后，我心里的感情又是变得怎么了。

送给你（虽然有一点难看的）面线一碗，生日快乐！

想。想东西。想东想西。想。想什么？想感情？感情是拿来感觉的，不是拿来想的。

心里有一份不属于自己的悲伤。

Do you like someone/something, or do you just like the "like", and hate the "hate"?

Sometimes life feels like a desperate thirst as you dry up in the desert. You come across a glass of water, but it's full of sand. A lot of people try to remove the sand, but any form of action just agitates the mixture. Some decide to just drink it with the sand. Being stranded in this lonely cow-filled town has made me realise that, if you don't do anything, the sand will settle, and you can drink clear water off the top. Of course when the sand settles, you might find that the liquid in the glass isn't water at all. But sometimes the best way to quench your thirst is to do nothing at all...

其实爱情很像宗教吧。也许很多人的宗教只是渴望一种更大更稳定的爱。而两者的存在都是因为相信无法确实的事物。

我成长的社会，每个人都忙着想办法生存，为自己定一些有的没的目标，然后都没有空去想，到底为了什么才生存。很像长久继续在这里的这种生活，只是知道，没有改变，就没有成长，最后就会变成一个长不大的败家子。

也许唯一心安的方法就是接受自己的不留痕迹，然后爽快地过完这一生吧。做一些自己想做的事。事情就分可以控制和不能控制的事吧，至少能够控制的范围内，不要留遗憾。

跟家人过了一个快乐的晚上。不是家庭的人而是住在同一间家的人。可能是药丸残余的影响，不过住了那么久，这几天还真的有种家人的感觉。其实也不是什么特别 的事情，只是把自己封闭得太久吧。可能一再和朋友分离，不想太亲近人了。可能把半生熟的人无意间和多年的朋友相比，无力再重新建立新的友情。不过感情都是 无意间建立起来的吧。就有人昨天问，我们算不算“close”，我就叫她先说，因为说不上来呢，突然间。她就说算蛮close的，现在回想起来还真的蛮感 动。其实本来就蛮喜欢大家的吧，只是一般没有去想到自己喜欢大家这件事，也没有说去表达一下。其实好久都没有去想过喜欢谁了吧，没有性没有爱的单纯的朋友 的喜欢。看着这篇post的朋友们，我好喜欢你们，你们是我的好朋友。

不过这段时期几乎每天长时间的孤独，感觉对自己也很有好处。很多时间静静去想，想要走的路，想自己是怎么样的一个人想做怎么样的一个人。反正平衡就好吧。

老虎不会因为牙齿比猪尖而比猪少像动物一点。人也不会因为头脑比猪好而比猪少像动物一点。自以为是地自封为万物之灵，真的和动物有什么不同吗？有的，多的 也不过是一份贪婪的欲望。肚子饿的时候不是想吃，而是想，吃什么的欲望。无聊地想把自己显得优越的欲望。愚蠢的想把自己的生存显得有价值的欲望。