闲人

There is talk about destiny. Yet people have choices. People do not necessary have free will, yet people have choices.

The only way that destiny can make you do something is to make you like it. Let you be born with the desire to achieve that something. I think that I'm not born to do something, rather, through both nature and nurture, there will be something so appealing to me that I would give my life to it. That is my destiny. To find something worth giving life for, and to give my life to it.

Little things in life give messages to your subconscious. What's appealing (adjective) to you is also appealing (verb) to your subconscious. What you like or not tells you a lot about yourself.

人很喜欢countdown。新年啦，放假啦之类的。期待的东西。我在countdown，还有两个星期，今年就不用写作业了。

人不觉得每次countdown都在同时接近自己的死亡。两个星期后，作业全交上去了，生命也短了两个星期。我不是理智的生物。朋友说笼统地说“人”怎样怎样，“你”怎样怎样，实际上一般都在说自己。所以且不论人是不是理智的生物。我不是理智的生物。就算知道生命在一点一点地消失，还是不会更好地利用时间，还是在算，还有多少天，还有多少字。

What then, is mundanity?

For me, it is going through the motions. Things like brushing teeth, going to the toilet etc. are just maintenance. Maintenance so that you can go through another day. Isn't it sad if your entire day is just maintenance? It's like a computer used solely for running antivirus scans on itself, or a car constantly sitting at the mechanic's.

But that is what some people do. Day in day out, go through the motions. As a person. As a species. Go to school, work, get married, have kids, grow old and die. Maintenance of the species. There is nothing wrong with going through the motions. It is a problem however when your life consists of just maintenance without anything to maintain it for.

What then is the purpose of maintaining the species? Evolution. Physical evolution is no longer important, in fact it might not be occuring much anymore. We are no longer selected to breed by our physical characteristics (pretty people are more desirable but it does not mean they will have more children to significantly out-evolve the less pretty). The species as a whole has to evolve their minds.

There is a concept that memes evolve. Meaning evolves. Subjective concepts that are really up to individual tastes have to fight to survive in the human consciousness. The concept of female beauty equivalent to being slim has won the fight in our society in our generation. For some reason, it has penetrated more minds and stayed longer than fat women or women with big lips or long necks or tiny feet.

The meaning of life then, evolves. To use your life to earn money? To bring up the next generation? For satisfaction? To leave your mark on the world? The concept of meaning of life has not had a clear winner such as in the concept of beauty. Even when it has a clear winner, it will continue to evolve. Beauty is not equivalent to being slim, it is just the preference of our age. Meaning of life will change as our society changes.

However it is sure that to find meaning you have to rise above the mundane, or at least see it in a different light.

When you talk about freedom, it begs the question: freedom from what?

For me, it is the freedom from the mundane. Freedom from the worries of everyday life. Money, food, lodging, the like. This freedom can be achieved in two ways: my friend speaks of financial freedom. Essentially establishing a steady income that does not require maintenance. Essentially having so much fucking money that you do not need to worry about mundane stuff anymore.

Or, one can merely not care.

There is... always a choice.

Granted that choices always involve "not choosing" something else, there is always a price to pay. But people are often unwilling to pay the price, and loathe to admit that their misery is due to their reluctance of paying that price. So people say "I have no choice".

Viktor Frankl survived a concentration camp. He said that even in such situations, you could still make a choice, whether to live with dignity or without. I think he was not your average man; the average man would probably not be able to make such a choice. Then again, in this day and age your average man would not be in a concentration camp.

I have a choice. I am not forced to be a psychologist. I am not forced to live in Australia. I am not forced to earn money, buy a car, a house.

Yet I do not feel I am free.

People... assign values to things that are essentially valueless.

Not value as in monetary value (that's another question for another day). Value as in good, bad, better, worse. We have glamorous jobs and shithouse jobs. Cars, phones, gadgets, fashion. People spend a lot of time and effort to maintain an image which is essentially meaningless. The music you listen to, the shows you watch. The things you deem of value which are in turn added to your image as if it makes you a better person. And so ingrained is this system in me that I end up saying words like a "better" person even while writing about such a topic. Another value, another judgment.

But is there such a thing as a better person. Mother Teresa died and left no trace. Hitler died and left no trace. We remember them for their deeds, but as characters, not as people. And our evaluation of them means nothing to them now that they are gone. And most of us are insignificant. A majority of the population do nothing great with their lives. Some people leave footprints in the sand which are eroded by time. Most people don't even have that.

What would it be like to live valuelessly? No thinking that this or that is better, no comparing, no judging. COULD it be done?